Changes

Something needs to happen to help me break through this weird, unsettling feeling in my life. It's that time again, time to make some hardcore decisions. "I don't know," "none of the above," or "I'll think about it tomorrow" are no longer options. This is a straightforward process that doesn't get any straighter, more strict, more rigid than this. Why am I such a stressful person? Why does my body feel anchored to the floor? Every move, every thought, every step is so taxing when you want to an extension of time to make some of these said-hardcore decisions, but you know that the time you had should have been plenty. I am sometimes so against the grain-- the problem is, it is unintended. It's like asking, "Which of these don't belong?" given a picture of 300 gold triangles and one red sphere. I am so inconveniently different sometimes. To compound the inconvenience, my difference most frequently turns out to be outstandingly insignificant to others, probably due to the fact that these conflicts are totally internal with very little visible, palpable, empirical value... which is how I've managed to come this far. Fitting in, but so not.