I love him.

Debid and I are at our favorite cafe, studying the night away. I know, I'm still on spring break... but it's already Saturday and I feel like I should be getting ready for my full week ahead!

Look at him, studying so hard. I'm so proud to say that David is one of the smartest people I know. He did so well in college, and he's always impressing people at work. When he talks on the phone with his boss, he uses all these business/finance words that I have no clue about, and I think that's so hot. I know he's going to do fabulously on his GMAT! GOOO HARVARD BUSINESS SCHOOL! lol, no pressure, Debid. The Korean Mom-to-be is coming out already.. ha! jk.

I'm so creepy... he has absolutely NO idea that I took this picture of him! hohohohohahahee!

Go, David, go!!

Enjoying Life

I love it when I end up at a gem of a website/blog after clicking idly on a chain of links. A normal Saturday morning for me. :)

Recently, I ended up at a stranger's blog and was very, very inspired. This person said that she's the type of person who just cannot wait to go to work. She wakes up in the morning, excited to go to school/work! I wish I could be like that!

Sometimes I wonder if I could ever really feel that way about Pharmacy.. But after much thought, I realize how very possible this is. I just need to keep reminding myself that I am helping people. I am helping people heal from pain, manage diseases, eliminate infections, and live longer. How awesome is that? HOW AWESOME!!!

I love school. Namely, I usually love the classes that most people hate the most-- like Biochemistry and Drug Delivery. I love these classes because it makes me feel like I'm thinking. From now on, I will engage in my studies even more. I will enjoy learning again. I will be excited to go to work/school!!!!!!!!

It's already noon, and it is nearing the end of my Spring Break. I wish David and I could have done more this past week, in terms of having fun-- but I can't deny that we really did rest well. Staying at home and doing nothing is sometimes more refreshing and rejuvenating than being cramped in an airplane for 10 hours to go somewhere. But next time, I hope we can go somewhere. I've been itching to do something cool. :)

I can't wait to go to church today. I wonder what the Lord has in store for me to learn and savor today. I am so thankful for my church and my pastor. Every Sunday, I feel like I see Scripture in a new, refreshing, life-changing way. I'm also so thankful for my husband for caring for me and my relationship with God!!!! He is leading a study on TULIP at home, every Thursday now! This past Thursday was a blast. I have so many questions, and I hope to receive answers for them.

While David was praying for us before doing the study, he said something that really struck me. He said, "Lord, please guide me as I lead our first family worship-- something that we will continue for the rest of our lives, and someday with more members-- our children..."

I am starting to see marriage as a start of a new family. It's hard to see marriage in this light, since David and I are kinda far from having children at this point.. but knowing that this is what we're in for, I have a new sense of excitement for marriage, for life, for knowing the gospel.. and enjoying LIFE!

Hope

If someone were to ask me what my top 3 wishes were, "for the gospel to overcome every heart, and this entire world" would NOT be on the forefront of my mind.

My view of the world is so small. I never thought to hope for the salvation of strangers, with the exception of the the people in impoverished places- like the type of places we Americans go to do "missions." It's easy to love them, wish well on them, serve them, and hope and pray for salvation for them. But what about those other people? What about the rest of the world? What about the entire world?

The entire world? That's a lot of people. It's hard for me to feel this way about a lot of people that I do know. But for all the strangers out there- like a man in Persia sitting in his mansion, or the little boy in Sweden listening to his teacher at school, or that one Korean woman sitting on Dokdo to claim the rock for her country- I do not feel deep things for them. I do not sit here thinking, "I wish they knew Jesus," or "I hope I can worship with them in heaven."

I mean, if I start to think about it, then of course I want them to know their Maker and what He's done for them on the cross. But it's just not the dominating thought that I have when I see them.

But shouldn't I? I know that Jesus had this mind.

The more I think of Jesus's "mind," [which is more than] an entity that I cannot grasp or quantify, the more I am in awe of His humility-- since He is God. He loves the entire world. Every person, He created, knows, and has named. Why should He, the God of the universe, come down to our lowliness, know us, and heck- LOVE us?? If the God of the universe is humble, then who am I to..... let's fill in the blank.

Grades and Judgement

I love meditating on just a few verses a week vs. trying to digest whole chapters at a time because every word, every verse, every punctuation of Scripture is so rich. So rich, I could spend years dissecting one verse and still have room for revelation.

Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, 6who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.

Philippians 2:5-7

"Have this mind," it says. Have the mind of Jesus Christ who sought after the glory of God before His own. Jesus knew God, in his entirety, in his full glory, power, awesomeness and beauty. He had this mind.

I recently got a lab back that I worked really hard on. On it, there's a big fat S-. (!) I was upset, and I may have even cursed/thought ill of my grader. This happened on Friday too, when my professor wouldn't give me a point back for a homework problem that I clearly, and I say clearly, wrote correctly. I also remember last semester when my professor wouldn't give me a 103% on an exam, even though that is what I deserved, because he believed that no one should receive more than 100%. (Trust me, that extra 3% could have helped bring my other scores up.)

I think of what I feel is injustice, and I become enraged. Enraged and wrapped up in self-pity. I sometime even want to scream at these people, yelling "Exactly who ARE you?" "Who do you think you are?" "Your rules show how stupid you really are."

In other words, I am saying, "Why aren't you glorifying me?"

I shudder. I cringed when I reflected on the status of my heart. I should be asking-- Who do I think I am?? Why do I feel like I should receive such glory? Why do grades matter so much to me? I made it an idol. For some, this drive comes off as a good thing; good grades matter in the world of academia and to my pride. Meaning, it means absolutely nothing at all. It's just a platform for me to worship myself and to boost my self confidence ego. My crutch. My "glory". Disgusting.

So this verse, that tells me to "have this mind," punched me in the stomach this morning.

Be humble, Joann, for Jesus was humble. Soli Deo Gloria.

Dependence

Whenever I start to depend on someone/something, God, who is jealous for my entire affection, empties out my life. He shakes my life out, like dirty laundry. Out comes the clutter, the distractions, my idols, my crutches, the objects that I hide behind. My heart is claimed. "This one's mine!"

Oh what an honor. Though the shaking hurts, I know it's just drawing me nearer to Him. The One who loves me best.