Threshold

Why is it so hard to pass thresholds?

Thresholds are the hardest things to pass. It's so easy to get right to the door, but why is it so hard to turn the knob and walk in? Getting to the threshold point is easy; all you have to do is wish for things, want things, and have goals and hopes. What gets you past that point is actual ACTION, though. But in order to get there, you need that force that's strong enough to make your feet move. Kinetics calls it "activation energy"; the amount of energy that must be matched if not exceeded in order to surpass the first hump, obstacle, or "transition state" of a process (or reaction). This is the hardest step (also known as the rate limiting step). Everything after that is downhill, literally, in terms of energy.

Yes, I am applying lessons learned in physical science/kinetics/chemistry to my daily life. And the first step to contributing to this activation energy/crossing this threshold might be... turning off this music (OMG Coldplay Mylo Xyloto is awesome.)

Boasting

During worship today, I felt my soul recognizing some truths.

I have nothing and no one but the Lord to boast in.

The Lord showed me recent scenes of when I did not boast in Him, but in other things. In David, in my accomplishments, in my possessions, my health, my time, my talents, my style, my life. I was saddened by my own idolatry. All the blessings I've been showered with comes from God in the first place, but I act as if I've earned my life. The truth is, I did nothing and am capable of nothing without the Lord. I am just a measly cup. The Lord is the one who fills it.

Summer

I was never the most avid traveller, but this past year has proven to be quite contrary to be my normal patterns. David has really helped me with that. I realize that I absolutely love what traveling does to my soul. I love how when I see people from other places in the country, or the world, I am inspired. Food culture is especially exhilarating to me.

Living in Minneapolis feels like a constant vacation at times; people here are not as fast-paced as people in CA or NY. I'm learning, here, that things can get done and that success can be reached without ripping your soul apart and neglecting your family.

On the flip side, I miss SF terribly. I miss how adventurous people are in the Bay Area. You could see the personality of communities in the food that they create. Sadly, food in Minneapolis absolutely pales in comparison to food in SF, Napa, NY, and LA. It seems that everyone here eats a lot of meat and potatoes... and the height of their "Mexican" food is... Chipotle.

Granted, there are a few nice places here like 112 Eatery, Capital Grill, Picolo, Cave Vinn, and Bar La Grassa.. but I am spoiled, and I complain that these restaurants are 1. ridiculously priced 2. pretentious 3. not even THAT great 4. so far apart from each other and hidden. I'm used to entire neighborhoods full of great eateries that neighbor each other (ie. Cheeseboard, Gregoires, and Love at First Bite @ North Berkeley.)

This summer, I was fortunate enough to satisfy my appetite in SF (twice), LA, NY, and Chicago.

Almost every day, David and I tell each other how thankful we are to be here. At the same time, we tell each other how we cannot wait to move back to the Coast.

I am thankful. So thankful. So so so thankful for my life.

Good Friends

I am so lucky to have good friends. :)

my LA trip in words

Parent's new city view estate on a hill: feeling so thankful for God's providence, reflecting on my parent's incredible successes through the grace of God despite their hard journey as immigrants

My first gift to them with my first serious paycheck: a 55' Samsung LED flatscreen, the proud yet hesitant look on my dad's face

Angie and Brian's wedding: feeling a wave of joy for these two and genuinely hoping for only the best for them, seeing all my true friends at the wedding including those who I haven't seen for a while..

Sam-Jane-Joann/Sam-Suejung-Joann reunion: realized and was so deeply relieved that nothing critical has changed, and I love this group like crazy

Visit to David's grandma: she got so healthy all of a sudden through the wonders of medicine-- she is able to wheel herself around!

Massage with my in-law's: this was the first massage they've ever received over their long and hard-working life. my father in law didn't want to come when David asked but when I took over the phone and asked him to come, he immediately changed his clothes and came out. I think he loves me.

Mitsuwa with sister: if there's anything truly missing in MN, it's solid Japanese markets like Nijiya, Mitsuwa, and Marukai. Sis and I went on a japanese make-up binge buying session and ended up buying 2 beautiful nail colors, 2 truly costly mascaras, "etiquette scissors," quality cotton pads, peach colored blush, and twist up pearl eye liner. I love japanese make up.

Coco Ichibana: a night on the town with the entire family (parents, david, sis). it'd be hard to go there with anybody else, because my dad owns mall property and it would be seriously hard to be humble/quiet about it. i will probably avoid going to any of my dad's properties with friends as to avoiding this situation. haha..

Beach walks: a trip home is not complete without a few walks on the beach with my parents. dad bought ice cream cones as per usual. one for himeself, one for david.

Tina's bridal shower: i felt so happy and relieved for tina, and felt very happy that she is surrounded by good people.

PCC: didn't get to see Rankin. sux0rz.

Santa Barbara trip: David planned a very romantic overnight getaway to Santa Barbara, where we went on a wine tour through the vineyards, saw the ocean, and slept in a very luxurious bed and breakfast hotel in Solvang. Had lots of wine & pastries. After one year, the husband is still so romantic and thoughtful. I love you, David Synn.

Facebook: found out that my dad had facebook since April and didn't add me. >:( so i logged onto his fb and added myself. >:)

Things I ate: Mario's peruvian, pat bingsoo, Cafe Hyeri drinks, King's Hawaiian paradise cake and french toast with coconut syrup, Aloha Teriyaki platters, large sushi rolls from Toyo Sushi, nengmyun and soontofu at BCD, basically everything on the menu at King Taco, In 'n Out, Little Mermaid in Solvang (crappy Swedish food), Coco Ichibana, mom's dwenjang gook.. :)

It was lovely. The smell of the beach, fresh beach breeze in the South Bay, true diversity, huge Korean and Japanese markets all over the place, and brightly dressed people all over the place (for some reason, people in MN wear a lot of maroon, grey, olive green, black, ivory, mustard yellow, etc. whereas LA people wear every odd color out there like, hot pink, vivid purple, metallic colors, sheers, salmon, lime green, fuscia, coral, aqua, etc. what's up with that?)

Looking forward to a great SF trip in early August... Oh the things I'll eat/do/see. :)

Easter

Easter is my New Years Day. I feel a sense of renewal today. I will live with gusto. Passion for the Lord. I want it to trickle down to my every action and thought, down to my life's littlest crevices where you find the things you would call 'mundane' or 'pedestrian.' Like folding socks.. or flipping the page of my textbooks.. or waking up and deciding that I will live the day as excellently as possible. Gustooooo!

Good Friday

This is the day that the greatest demonstration of Love happened on Earth. Glory to You, Jesus!

New Ideas

Ideas are blooming in my mind. Whom shall I be in 10 years?

Attitude

I really want to live this life awesomely.

Wake Up

Today I feel spiritual urgency. "WAKE UP EVERYBODY"!

Motivation

Right you are, Mr. Twain. The laughable lifespan of motivation is a speck in the ocean, a bubble in a boiling pot, one breath in a chain of thoughts, fleeting fireworks, dreams you can't remember in the morning. They are transient in nature, namely, in human nature. How disappointing.

Stewardship

Being a steward requires not only persevering vigilance of all things that surround me, both visible and invisible, but also having the discipline and readiness to act upon the things that need edification. And the actual acting.

That last part is the hardest. It's easy to recognize problems or areas of improvement, but it's another thing to convert that into kinetics. Why is it so hard?

I can't help but to relate it to basic physics; despite the spontaneous increase in entropy of the universe, all systems seek to exist in lowest energy form.

I am no exception. :(

I love him.

Debid and I are at our favorite cafe, studying the night away. I know, I'm still on spring break... but it's already Saturday and I feel like I should be getting ready for my full week ahead!

Look at him, studying so hard. I'm so proud to say that David is one of the smartest people I know. He did so well in college, and he's always impressing people at work. When he talks on the phone with his boss, he uses all these business/finance words that I have no clue about, and I think that's so hot. I know he's going to do fabulously on his GMAT! GOOO HARVARD BUSINESS SCHOOL! lol, no pressure, Debid. The Korean Mom-to-be is coming out already.. ha! jk.

I'm so creepy... he has absolutely NO idea that I took this picture of him! hohohohohahahee!

Go, David, go!!

Enjoying Life

I love it when I end up at a gem of a website/blog after clicking idly on a chain of links. A normal Saturday morning for me. :)

Recently, I ended up at a stranger's blog and was very, very inspired. This person said that she's the type of person who just cannot wait to go to work. She wakes up in the morning, excited to go to school/work! I wish I could be like that!

Sometimes I wonder if I could ever really feel that way about Pharmacy.. But after much thought, I realize how very possible this is. I just need to keep reminding myself that I am helping people. I am helping people heal from pain, manage diseases, eliminate infections, and live longer. How awesome is that? HOW AWESOME!!!

I love school. Namely, I usually love the classes that most people hate the most-- like Biochemistry and Drug Delivery. I love these classes because it makes me feel like I'm thinking. From now on, I will engage in my studies even more. I will enjoy learning again. I will be excited to go to work/school!!!!!!!!

It's already noon, and it is nearing the end of my Spring Break. I wish David and I could have done more this past week, in terms of having fun-- but I can't deny that we really did rest well. Staying at home and doing nothing is sometimes more refreshing and rejuvenating than being cramped in an airplane for 10 hours to go somewhere. But next time, I hope we can go somewhere. I've been itching to do something cool. :)

I can't wait to go to church today. I wonder what the Lord has in store for me to learn and savor today. I am so thankful for my church and my pastor. Every Sunday, I feel like I see Scripture in a new, refreshing, life-changing way. I'm also so thankful for my husband for caring for me and my relationship with God!!!! He is leading a study on TULIP at home, every Thursday now! This past Thursday was a blast. I have so many questions, and I hope to receive answers for them.

While David was praying for us before doing the study, he said something that really struck me. He said, "Lord, please guide me as I lead our first family worship-- something that we will continue for the rest of our lives, and someday with more members-- our children..."

I am starting to see marriage as a start of a new family. It's hard to see marriage in this light, since David and I are kinda far from having children at this point.. but knowing that this is what we're in for, I have a new sense of excitement for marriage, for life, for knowing the gospel.. and enjoying LIFE!

Hope

If someone were to ask me what my top 3 wishes were, "for the gospel to overcome every heart, and this entire world" would NOT be on the forefront of my mind.

My view of the world is so small. I never thought to hope for the salvation of strangers, with the exception of the the people in impoverished places- like the type of places we Americans go to do "missions." It's easy to love them, wish well on them, serve them, and hope and pray for salvation for them. But what about those other people? What about the rest of the world? What about the entire world?

The entire world? That's a lot of people. It's hard for me to feel this way about a lot of people that I do know. But for all the strangers out there- like a man in Persia sitting in his mansion, or the little boy in Sweden listening to his teacher at school, or that one Korean woman sitting on Dokdo to claim the rock for her country- I do not feel deep things for them. I do not sit here thinking, "I wish they knew Jesus," or "I hope I can worship with them in heaven."

I mean, if I start to think about it, then of course I want them to know their Maker and what He's done for them on the cross. But it's just not the dominating thought that I have when I see them.

But shouldn't I? I know that Jesus had this mind.

The more I think of Jesus's "mind," [which is more than] an entity that I cannot grasp or quantify, the more I am in awe of His humility-- since He is God. He loves the entire world. Every person, He created, knows, and has named. Why should He, the God of the universe, come down to our lowliness, know us, and heck- LOVE us?? If the God of the universe is humble, then who am I to..... let's fill in the blank.

Grades and Judgement

I love meditating on just a few verses a week vs. trying to digest whole chapters at a time because every word, every verse, every punctuation of Scripture is so rich. So rich, I could spend years dissecting one verse and still have room for revelation.

Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, 6who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.

Philippians 2:5-7

"Have this mind," it says. Have the mind of Jesus Christ who sought after the glory of God before His own. Jesus knew God, in his entirety, in his full glory, power, awesomeness and beauty. He had this mind.

I recently got a lab back that I worked really hard on. On it, there's a big fat S-. (!) I was upset, and I may have even cursed/thought ill of my grader. This happened on Friday too, when my professor wouldn't give me a point back for a homework problem that I clearly, and I say clearly, wrote correctly. I also remember last semester when my professor wouldn't give me a 103% on an exam, even though that is what I deserved, because he believed that no one should receive more than 100%. (Trust me, that extra 3% could have helped bring my other scores up.)

I think of what I feel is injustice, and I become enraged. Enraged and wrapped up in self-pity. I sometime even want to scream at these people, yelling "Exactly who ARE you?" "Who do you think you are?" "Your rules show how stupid you really are."

In other words, I am saying, "Why aren't you glorifying me?"

I shudder. I cringed when I reflected on the status of my heart. I should be asking-- Who do I think I am?? Why do I feel like I should receive such glory? Why do grades matter so much to me? I made it an idol. For some, this drive comes off as a good thing; good grades matter in the world of academia and to my pride. Meaning, it means absolutely nothing at all. It's just a platform for me to worship myself and to boost my self confidence ego. My crutch. My "glory". Disgusting.

So this verse, that tells me to "have this mind," punched me in the stomach this morning.

Be humble, Joann, for Jesus was humble. Soli Deo Gloria.

Dependence

Whenever I start to depend on someone/something, God, who is jealous for my entire affection, empties out my life. He shakes my life out, like dirty laundry. Out comes the clutter, the distractions, my idols, my crutches, the objects that I hide behind. My heart is claimed. "This one's mine!"

Oh what an honor. Though the shaking hurts, I know it's just drawing me nearer to Him. The One who loves me best.

Committment

I am making a commitment with my husband to write down my reflections of my daily devotions, whether it be on this blog or somewhere else. I'm doing this, because when I don't write down the lessons and corrections that I learn from Scripture, I forget about it in a week. Just like the man described in James 1:22-25:

22But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. 23For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. 24For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. 25But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing.

Lord, I do not want to be this man who forgets his own face. I do not want to merely be a convinced intellectual of the gospel's "logic," or a fruitless professor of faith. I desire to be a lover, worshipper, and treasurer of Jesus Christ.

Starting today, I hope to build discipline... I really pray, Lord, give me eyes to see the unseen, and a heart and mind that worships and delights and meditates on You day and night. Let your Spirit display Himself in my life, in my secret thoughts, intentions, and hidden actions. Lord, teach me.

Vitamin D

I love what the sun does to me. Winter is coming to an apparent halt.. The sun came out on Saturday (as I've mentioned in previous post), and it's making me feel all kinds of wonderful. Like, I feel euphoric!

How did I manage living under the clouds for 3 months? I'm a troopuhh! (Right about now, David would tell me to calm down before he tranquilizes me.)

Yesterday was Valentines day. I woke up kind of upset that David didn't wake me up, because I had asked him to "wake me up when he wakes up." I ended up waking up an hour later than I really wanted to, and he was already gone for work. I was kind of irritated, until I went out into the living room and saw a beautiful red card addressed to "my wonderful wife." Way to humble a prideful woman... and make her cry! After school, I came home to a a dozen fuchsia-pink roses on the dining table, and dinner ingredients all bought! We spend the evening together in our apartment with all the windows open, eating the best steak ever. Felt fabulous.

Like I mentioned before, the Lord gives me times of refreshing. This is what life is all about.

Rest

Last week entailed strenuous, arduous, back-breaking, eye ball-drying work. I had two big exams in one day, which by the way seems to be very common in pharmacy school, and at the end of the week my body literally felt broken.

This weekend fixed all of that. :) In lieu of spending $$$ to go out for Valentines Day/buy worthless heart-shaped gifts, David and I bought ourselves something a lot more practical. Haha, a Wii + Wii Fit to keep ourselves.. um, fit. (?) It's so much fun, I can't get over it. I'm playing Kung Fu, Skiball, and like, random stuff like Hula Hoop. I think this was a great purchase. Well, hopefully!

It hasn't been this warm since November. Mind you, "warm" for Minnesota is 40 degrees. It feels so great. The skies were clear, the air was crisp, the sun was out. Wow. Breath of fresh air without having to wear a darn goose coat. It really put David and me in very good spirits.

Today has got to be one of the most relaxing, enjoyable days I've experienced in recent memory. We woke up late, had a healthy brunch, cleaned the house, opened the windows for fresh air, played Wii, took a nap, told each other funny stories, watched the Grammy's, went out to our favorite cafe for an hour of "work," and came back home to just lounge. Lounging felt so great today. Sigh.. The Lord is so good to us. He gives us times of refreshing, when we need it.

Revived and rejuvenated, I am ready to tackle this week with VIGOR! *fist pump* yeah..

Heroes

Today, I talked to Pastor John Piper, one of my biggest heroes. When I told him how I came to know the gospel through his books, he told me, "You just made my evening! No, you really did." That really touched me.

This brief moment in my life makes me think of all the other heroes in my life; and most of all, I think of my ultimate Hero and Savior, Jesus Christ.

chili, chilli pepper, chilli, chillie, or chile?

All of these spellings are accepted!! I never knew how to spell the word so I avoided it by just saying "peppers." It was always a debate between chili and chile for me, and now I know it's both. This happens to me a lot, and I hate it. Reference #3.

Living Well

Inspiration happens in the most unexpected and surprising ways. Last week I walked down a busy street and was feeling quite bored and glazed. What perked me up was an Adidas ad that read, "New Year, New You" in pink and white. Refreshment.

Cuddly

Relaxing with the husband on our comfy plush couch watching crime dramas (Criminal Minds, Law and Order, CSI, Bones, etc.), sniffling together in symphony and fighting the cold by sipping orange juice is... the best feeling after arduous traveling. Mmmm..

What is also cathartic is taking all the ornaments off the Christmas tree and putting it in a box. Must remember to label the box. It would be sad if I accidentally threw it away.

Speaking of accidents, I predict that I will brush my teeth with David's toothbrush by mistake. We just got new toothbrushes; mine is purple and his is blue. Germ sharing, FTW! :)