Enjoying Life

I love it when I end up at a gem of a website/blog after clicking idly on a chain of links. A normal Saturday morning for me. :)

Recently, I ended up at a stranger's blog and was very, very inspired. This person said that she's the type of person who just cannot wait to go to work. She wakes up in the morning, excited to go to school/work! I wish I could be like that!

Sometimes I wonder if I could ever really feel that way about Pharmacy.. But after much thought, I realize how very possible this is. I just need to keep reminding myself that I am helping people. I am helping people heal from pain, manage diseases, eliminate infections, and live longer. How awesome is that? HOW AWESOME!!!

I love school. Namely, I usually love the classes that most people hate the most-- like Biochemistry and Drug Delivery. I love these classes because it makes me feel like I'm thinking. From now on, I will engage in my studies even more. I will enjoy learning again. I will be excited to go to work/school!!!!!!!!

It's already noon, and it is nearing the end of my Spring Break. I wish David and I could have done more this past week, in terms of having fun-- but I can't deny that we really did rest well. Staying at home and doing nothing is sometimes more refreshing and rejuvenating than being cramped in an airplane for 10 hours to go somewhere. But next time, I hope we can go somewhere. I've been itching to do something cool. :)

I can't wait to go to church today. I wonder what the Lord has in store for me to learn and savor today. I am so thankful for my church and my pastor. Every Sunday, I feel like I see Scripture in a new, refreshing, life-changing way. I'm also so thankful for my husband for caring for me and my relationship with God!!!! He is leading a study on TULIP at home, every Thursday now! This past Thursday was a blast. I have so many questions, and I hope to receive answers for them.

While David was praying for us before doing the study, he said something that really struck me. He said, "Lord, please guide me as I lead our first family worship-- something that we will continue for the rest of our lives, and someday with more members-- our children..."

I am starting to see marriage as a start of a new family. It's hard to see marriage in this light, since David and I are kinda far from having children at this point.. but knowing that this is what we're in for, I have a new sense of excitement for marriage, for life, for knowing the gospel.. and enjoying LIFE!

Hope

If someone were to ask me what my top 3 wishes were, "for the gospel to overcome every heart, and this entire world" would NOT be on the forefront of my mind.

My view of the world is so small. I never thought to hope for the salvation of strangers, with the exception of the the people in impoverished places- like the type of places we Americans go to do "missions." It's easy to love them, wish well on them, serve them, and hope and pray for salvation for them. But what about those other people? What about the rest of the world? What about the entire world?

The entire world? That's a lot of people. It's hard for me to feel this way about a lot of people that I do know. But for all the strangers out there- like a man in Persia sitting in his mansion, or the little boy in Sweden listening to his teacher at school, or that one Korean woman sitting on Dokdo to claim the rock for her country- I do not feel deep things for them. I do not sit here thinking, "I wish they knew Jesus," or "I hope I can worship with them in heaven."

I mean, if I start to think about it, then of course I want them to know their Maker and what He's done for them on the cross. But it's just not the dominating thought that I have when I see them.

But shouldn't I? I know that Jesus had this mind.

The more I think of Jesus's "mind," [which is more than] an entity that I cannot grasp or quantify, the more I am in awe of His humility-- since He is God. He loves the entire world. Every person, He created, knows, and has named. Why should He, the God of the universe, come down to our lowliness, know us, and heck- LOVE us?? If the God of the universe is humble, then who am I to..... let's fill in the blank.

Grades and Judgement

I love meditating on just a few verses a week vs. trying to digest whole chapters at a time because every word, every verse, every punctuation of Scripture is so rich. So rich, I could spend years dissecting one verse and still have room for revelation.

Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, 6who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.

Philippians 2:5-7

"Have this mind," it says. Have the mind of Jesus Christ who sought after the glory of God before His own. Jesus knew God, in his entirety, in his full glory, power, awesomeness and beauty. He had this mind.

I recently got a lab back that I worked really hard on. On it, there's a big fat S-. (!) I was upset, and I may have even cursed/thought ill of my grader. This happened on Friday too, when my professor wouldn't give me a point back for a homework problem that I clearly, and I say clearly, wrote correctly. I also remember last semester when my professor wouldn't give me a 103% on an exam, even though that is what I deserved, because he believed that no one should receive more than 100%. (Trust me, that extra 3% could have helped bring my other scores up.)

I think of what I feel is injustice, and I become enraged. Enraged and wrapped up in self-pity. I sometime even want to scream at these people, yelling "Exactly who ARE you?" "Who do you think you are?" "Your rules show how stupid you really are."

In other words, I am saying, "Why aren't you glorifying me?"

I shudder. I cringed when I reflected on the status of my heart. I should be asking-- Who do I think I am?? Why do I feel like I should receive such glory? Why do grades matter so much to me? I made it an idol. For some, this drive comes off as a good thing; good grades matter in the world of academia and to my pride. Meaning, it means absolutely nothing at all. It's just a platform for me to worship myself and to boost my self confidence ego. My crutch. My "glory". Disgusting.

So this verse, that tells me to "have this mind," punched me in the stomach this morning.

Be humble, Joann, for Jesus was humble. Soli Deo Gloria.

Dependence

Whenever I start to depend on someone/something, God, who is jealous for my entire affection, empties out my life. He shakes my life out, like dirty laundry. Out comes the clutter, the distractions, my idols, my crutches, the objects that I hide behind. My heart is claimed. "This one's mine!"

Oh what an honor. Though the shaking hurts, I know it's just drawing me nearer to Him. The One who loves me best.

Committment

I am making a commitment with my husband to write down my reflections of my daily devotions, whether it be on this blog or somewhere else. I'm doing this, because when I don't write down the lessons and corrections that I learn from Scripture, I forget about it in a week. Just like the man described in James 1:22-25:

22But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. 23For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. 24For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. 25But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing.

Lord, I do not want to be this man who forgets his own face. I do not want to merely be a convinced intellectual of the gospel's "logic," or a fruitless professor of faith. I desire to be a lover, worshipper, and treasurer of Jesus Christ.

Starting today, I hope to build discipline... I really pray, Lord, give me eyes to see the unseen, and a heart and mind that worships and delights and meditates on You day and night. Let your Spirit display Himself in my life, in my secret thoughts, intentions, and hidden actions. Lord, teach me.

Vitamin D

I love what the sun does to me. Winter is coming to an apparent halt.. The sun came out on Saturday (as I've mentioned in previous post), and it's making me feel all kinds of wonderful. Like, I feel euphoric!

How did I manage living under the clouds for 3 months? I'm a troopuhh! (Right about now, David would tell me to calm down before he tranquilizes me.)

Yesterday was Valentines day. I woke up kind of upset that David didn't wake me up, because I had asked him to "wake me up when he wakes up." I ended up waking up an hour later than I really wanted to, and he was already gone for work. I was kind of irritated, until I went out into the living room and saw a beautiful red card addressed to "my wonderful wife." Way to humble a prideful woman... and make her cry! After school, I came home to a a dozen fuchsia-pink roses on the dining table, and dinner ingredients all bought! We spend the evening together in our apartment with all the windows open, eating the best steak ever. Felt fabulous.

Like I mentioned before, the Lord gives me times of refreshing. This is what life is all about.

Rest

Last week entailed strenuous, arduous, back-breaking, eye ball-drying work. I had two big exams in one day, which by the way seems to be very common in pharmacy school, and at the end of the week my body literally felt broken.

This weekend fixed all of that. :) In lieu of spending $$$ to go out for Valentines Day/buy worthless heart-shaped gifts, David and I bought ourselves something a lot more practical. Haha, a Wii + Wii Fit to keep ourselves.. um, fit. (?) It's so much fun, I can't get over it. I'm playing Kung Fu, Skiball, and like, random stuff like Hula Hoop. I think this was a great purchase. Well, hopefully!

It hasn't been this warm since November. Mind you, "warm" for Minnesota is 40 degrees. It feels so great. The skies were clear, the air was crisp, the sun was out. Wow. Breath of fresh air without having to wear a darn goose coat. It really put David and me in very good spirits.

Today has got to be one of the most relaxing, enjoyable days I've experienced in recent memory. We woke up late, had a healthy brunch, cleaned the house, opened the windows for fresh air, played Wii, took a nap, told each other funny stories, watched the Grammy's, went out to our favorite cafe for an hour of "work," and came back home to just lounge. Lounging felt so great today. Sigh.. The Lord is so good to us. He gives us times of refreshing, when we need it.

Revived and rejuvenated, I am ready to tackle this week with VIGOR! *fist pump* yeah..