Grades and Judgement

I love meditating on just a few verses a week vs. trying to digest whole chapters at a time because every word, every verse, every punctuation of Scripture is so rich. So rich, I could spend years dissecting one verse and still have room for revelation.

Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, 6who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.

Philippians 2:5-7

"Have this mind," it says. Have the mind of Jesus Christ who sought after the glory of God before His own. Jesus knew God, in his entirety, in his full glory, power, awesomeness and beauty. He had this mind.

I recently got a lab back that I worked really hard on. On it, there's a big fat S-. (!) I was upset, and I may have even cursed/thought ill of my grader. This happened on Friday too, when my professor wouldn't give me a point back for a homework problem that I clearly, and I say clearly, wrote correctly. I also remember last semester when my professor wouldn't give me a 103% on an exam, even though that is what I deserved, because he believed that no one should receive more than 100%. (Trust me, that extra 3% could have helped bring my other scores up.)

I think of what I feel is injustice, and I become enraged. Enraged and wrapped up in self-pity. I sometime even want to scream at these people, yelling "Exactly who ARE you?" "Who do you think you are?" "Your rules show how stupid you really are."

In other words, I am saying, "Why aren't you glorifying me?"

I shudder. I cringed when I reflected on the status of my heart. I should be asking-- Who do I think I am?? Why do I feel like I should receive such glory? Why do grades matter so much to me? I made it an idol. For some, this drive comes off as a good thing; good grades matter in the world of academia and to my pride. Meaning, it means absolutely nothing at all. It's just a platform for me to worship myself and to boost my self confidence ego. My crutch. My "glory". Disgusting.

So this verse, that tells me to "have this mind," punched me in the stomach this morning.

Be humble, Joann, for Jesus was humble. Soli Deo Gloria.